Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

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I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

What impact could the rising average age of U.S. homebuyers have on the housing market in the long term?

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I have a reading level above third grade

Have you ever had a secret crush on anyone?

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

Is anal sex allowed in Islam? It's not written anywhere in the Quran whether it's forbidden or not.

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for fakery

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

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I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

How can consumers verify the power claims of light therapy devices?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I understand how hurricane paths work

I actually pay taxes

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When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

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I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

What do you like the most about black people?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

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I don’t cotton to rapists

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

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I don’t buy bullshit

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I see through liars

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I can count

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I can read

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I took the same Oath and took it seriously